Note: I’m writing this as one who has never been “in love”. Most certainly I have had infatuations, but never “love”
I feel that in today’s society, where casual dating, mating, and marrying are the fades, it is truly difficult to find the type of relationship that is God centered. We are all running forward to the next new thing. Growing up I had a generic view of how events in life were to unfold. 1-18: Grow up and go through grade school. 19-24: College and dating. 25-35: Get married. And after 35? Well, if not married then never married. Now, of course, I realize nothing is generic, especially life. And I’ve also realized that love is not generic either.
While dating is an entity unto itself, I feel that it is a good pre-curser to what it would be like to build a relationship. Like no two people are the same, no two relationships are the same. C.S. Lewis talked about what things need to be present in a workable relationship, and for the most part I am forced to agree. But I also feel that in combining filial, stroge, and eros together, you cannot do them all at once. I think there is a method to there formation.
For me I am someone who does not like taking risks where relationships are concerned. I like to form a friendship first. There is a certainty in a solid friendship that is always present in married couples that have been together for a long, long, time. I really feel that this certainty is more important than any of the other components in a marriage. This is not to say that the other things are not necessary. A triangle is not a triangle without three points. But I do think that for marriage, and relationships in general, there must be a commradery, a friendship, that will last beyond the romantic and glue the people together no matter what life throws there way.
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Hi Maggie. I completely agree with your last paragraph. I would also like to form a good friendship with a guy before getting into a serious relationship. Friendship is so important for couples to have because it will strengthen their love for one another which will help their relationship last. In all strong relationships, I also think that all three types of love must be present because, as you said, that will make the bond between them much stronger and they will be better able to withstand difficulties that they will face. I really enjoyed reading this post; keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI think you have Lewis on your side when he says couples last "because they are not only great lovers but they are good people; controlled, loyal, fair-minded, mutually adaptable." Having a spouse who is a best friend is not cute. It is the only way to build a lasting relationship.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with what you said about the key to a long-lasting relationship of eros needs a mixture of all loves; friendship being key. Being friends with someone first helps build a stable foundation on which we can grow on when a dating relationship actually occurs. These are great reminders especially for a lot of us looking for a long-lasting relationship. Thanks for the post!
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